Friday, January 16, 2015

Ignorance is a bliss

I was talking to a friend the other day, we were remembering the times when I started to photograph “for real”. I was 20 at the time and decided to take the hobby to a profession. From then to now there was a lot of drama and money wasted. Since I first decided to take classes, and invest on good quality equipment to where I am now, it took me more than 10 years. Do you remember the “Fotolog” ol’ days? well, I had a page there and I remember posting almost daily. And I was so fascinated with this, I used to post photos (of a questionable quality) of my feet, of my books, of everything around and I thought I was so deep!! I thought I was this huge talent waiting to happen. It is so funny how we think of ourselves at a young age and years later we disappoint that young person so much. Of all the things I thought I would be by the age of 32 (almost 33), none happened. Of course, a lot of other great things happened, and I am happy and all that. But there’s this feeling that the more I study and the more I learn about photography, the more I think less of myself. My ignorance was the fuel that kept me on risking. Now I think I am too settled. Because I know I’m not an Annie Leibovitz or an Anton Corbijn. I know I’m not the next best thing and I find myself stuck in there. I have this struggle from time to time, but especially around my birthday. Does it happen to you too?


Update: Just when I pressed “publish”, I remembered this Nick Hornby book I have, “A long way down”. Have you guys read it? Well, there’s this quote I love, and it kinda sums up what I’ve been thinking.

“The trouble with my generation is that we all think we’re fucking geniuses. Making something isn’t good enough for us, and neither is selling something, or teaching something, or even just doing something; we have to be something. It’s our inalienable right, as citizens of the twenty-first century. If Christina Aguilera or Britney or some American Idol jerk can be something, then why can’t I? Where’s mine, huh? (...) But having talent is never enough to make us happy, is it? I mean, it should be, because a talent is a gift and you should thank God for it, but I didn’t. It just pissed me off because I wasn’t being paid for it, and it didn’t get me on the cover of Rolling Stone.”

8 comments:

  1. Haha, thank you for posting this Thais! As I get older I get more surprises like this that makes me realize I'm really not alone with my thoughts, and this journey of taking photos. I had the same thinking when I was younger, thinking that all I need was just a break to be famous or whatever :D Now, almost 28, I find simple and pure joy at little things like when someone simply comments on my blog, and I'm absolutely happy with that, because it makes me feel a part of a community (somehow) that I'm really passionate about :)


    Btw, when is your birthday? Happy birthday in advance! :)

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  2. Thank you, April! :) My birthday is February, 9th. (same day as Mia Farrow, Tom Hiddleston and Carole King, haha)


    I think, in some level, we all disappoint our selves eventually, because we always tend to dream big. But sometimes I wonder if we (or I, in this case) could dream less and do more.

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  3. Haha! I can totally relate to that, Thais! Though, as I get older, I tend to see things more clearly and I am able to give the right appreciation to things I do - at least most of the time.
    Great photo, by the way; I love the bokeh and the movement of your head, that gives a wonderful dynamic feeling. A very good composition!

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  4. Thank you, Polly! I love this photo too. It was on Bernal Heights, in San Francisco. You can see the whole city from up there. :)

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  5. I have that exact same quote in my notebook of quotes Hahaha.. Nick Hornby says the darnest things. I have all of his books and brought away a little of his wisdom in each one. :)

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  6. I don’t think I’ve read it all of his books, but I’ve read a few. I love the way he writes. So easy and uncomplicated. :)

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  7. Dúvidas, dúvidas... estou cheia delas, em todos os aspectos da minha vida..

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  8. Eu também, Sara. Acho que o único campo na minha vida que vai bem é o ❤︎, de resto, I’m a mess.

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