I was talking to a friend the other day, we were remembering the times when I started to photograph “for real”. I was 20 at the time and decided to take the hobby to a profession. From then to now there was a lot of drama and money wasted. Since I first decided to take classes, and invest on good quality equipment to where I am now, it took me more than 10 years. Do you remember the “Fotolog” ol’ days? well, I had a page there and I remember posting almost daily. And I was so fascinated with this, I used to post photos (of a questionable quality) of my feet, of my books, of everything around and I thought I was so deep!! I thought I was this huge talent waiting to happen. It is so funny how we think of ourselves at a young age and years later we disappoint that young person so much. Of all the things I thought I would be by the age of 32 (almost 33), none happened. Of course, a lot of other great things happened, and I am happy and all that. But there’s this feeling that the more I study and the more I learn about photography, the more I think less of myself. My ignorance was the fuel that kept me on risking. Now I think I am too settled. Because I know I’m not an Annie Leibovitz or an Anton Corbijn. I know I’m not the next best thing and I find myself stuck in there. I have this struggle from time to time, but especially around my birthday. Does it happen to you too?
Update: Just when I pressed “publish”, I remembered this Nick Hornby book I have, “A long way down”. Have you guys read it? Well, there’s this quote I love, and it kinda sums up what I’ve been thinking.
“The trouble with my generation is that we all think we’re fucking geniuses. Making something isn’t good enough for us, and neither is selling something, or teaching something, or even just doing something; we have to
be something. It’s our inalienable right, as citizens of the twenty-first century. If Christina Aguilera or Britney or some
American Idol jerk can be something, then why can’t I? Where’s mine, huh? (...) But having talent is never enough to make us happy, is it? I mean, it should be, because a talent is a gift and you should thank God for it, but I didn’t. It just pissed me off because I wasn’t being paid for it, and it didn’t get me on the cover of
Rolling Stone.”
