Begin again

I haven't posted here since september. Yep. September. The 9/12 month. It's nearly 4 months. Of silence.

To be quite honest, it's not like I missed that much which makes me question the whole point of it.

I love going through your blogs and see your work. It's just I don't feel like posting lately... or producing.

2015 was my Marie Kondo year (have you read her book? It did change your life too?). I applied the KonMari method in all my life, not just my stuff. Does it brings joy or happiness or love? Nope? Then I don't need it. Last year was very complicated professionally speaking. I had to do a lot of things I didn't agree to keep my business alive. I had to shoot in different ways for people I didn't want to. But we got to pay the bills in the end of the day. Makes me question A LOT of things. When I gave up my structured professional life to jump in the art of making photos it sounded so much more romantic. It's not that easy. And it makes you not love that much what you once loved so deeply. I knew that it wouldn't be the same as when I use to do it for fun, I'm not that naive. But, I swear, I didn't know it would be this hard.

So there was a lot of talk to myself. What to do, how to do it and, most importantly, for how long. I don't want to be the girl who spends the rest of her life punching the knife (I don't think there's an equivalent of that expression in english, just realize that. But we say in portuguese "to punch the knife's end", if someone knows a better translation feel free to correct me in the comments, please.).

I hope I can show up a little more in here, but if I do show up, it will be because I want to. Maybe I'll even fall in love with my job again. Who knows. I'm doing my best. But I honestly feel sometimes the things we want the most are not exactly what will make us happy in the end of the day.

Hope I'm wrong. Maybe this is just blablabla because I'm in the astral Hell.

To end this in a happy note, here's a few portraits of mom. I had this roll of Ilford Delta 3200 and wanted to give it a try. We had a good cappuccino on this very nice Patisserie near her house and as I was finishing my roll, later that week, I got this portrait of her in her favorite spot in the city.

* All photos taken with a Nikon F100 w/ Ilford Delta 3200

Let the rain

I posted this on my tumblr, and found it so beautiful I thought "why not post it on the blog?". Haha.

It's from a while a go, when it's still raining in this city! We are on such a drought this year. It's getting worst everyday... I miss this feeling...

Is it still raining where you live? :)

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.” 
― Bob Marley



Kodak Gold 100 - expired

My girls

I haven't been around lately, have I? Same ol'excuses. More work, less time, etc. I have been shooting a lot of film BUT the thing is I don't always develop. I'm looking at a pile of films waiting to be develop.

See, one thing I found out about myself: I love so much more the process than the result. I use to have this urge to see the pictures. Now I have this feeling they're there. No need to hurry. After I shoot I feel so calm, as if I kept that moment from running away. I wish I develop more, so I could update this space a little more than once in a blue moon. Haha.

If you want to hear more frequently from me, you can follow me on Tumblr and instagram too. It's easier for me.  I update them a lot more than here.

Well, so that being said, here's a few images I did with my nieces. Aren't they gorgeous? I love this girls so much.

The thing is every time they come to my house I try to photograph them, but there's always something: the weather isn't good, the light sucks, the park is crowded, the clothes aren't photographable (believe me, I heard that). So this time I said to myself: no excuses. We went on for a walk in our street (actually my street, because they don't live with me, but you get the point), and in five minutes I had these lovely images. And then, a fit of laughter. Sisters being sisters. A huge moment I want them to remind forever. How much they had fun. This time in life is so precious. You blink and suddenly you're 30 with two jobs and a lot of bills to pay and speaking to your siblings via facebook all the time. So I'm glad that moment, that afternoon, that connection will be remembered forever.

 

Popcorn

One of these days I was walking around the neighborhood and, in my way back home, I, as per usual, decided to buy a bag of sweet popcorn with fried cheese on top. This is something I love since I was a kid (which happened a long time ago). I can't explain how good this is. The salty cheese and the sweet flavor of the popcorn is beyond amazing. I feel like they have a party in my mouth. I tried almost every popcorn cart in the city (there's a lot where I live) and this is the best, I guarantee you! And, for my luck, it is 10 minutes walk from my house. Yay!!!

Do you have any treats you love and search the entire town for the very best?
(aside from coffee, which I know 99% of you are as crazy about it as I am. Maybe I'll show you my favorite sometime).

Nikon F100
35mm f1.4G
Kodak Gold 100, exp

Kafka my love

"Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old."

Franz Kafka 

My Alice

It has been quite a while, huh?

When 2015 started, I wanted to make this think seriously. But then life happened, and I couldn't even keep up with all the blogs in my reader! But this is a breath of hope. I don't wanna leave this space abandoned, because it is something I do for fun. And we have to have fun eventually, right?!

So, I'm gonna leave you with a few shots I did of my goddaughter in January. Just a few minutes in the park, talking, laughing and clicking. I wanted everyday to be like that. =]

Nikon F100

35mmf1.4

Portra 160 (exp may 2014)

Inspirational Wednesday

I don’t know if it’s the carnival that is coming, but I’ve been so into masks photos. And I don’t even care that some of them remind me of horror movies. Haha. Here’s a selection of what I found creatively good these days...

(I am not an autor of these photos, click on every picture and you will see the original flickr content).

February

Point Lobos, CA - Portra 160

February is here. In a few (very few) days, I’ll be 33. And I:

- Still don’t have a clue about what to do with my life;
- Still pretty much hate this brazilian weather;
- Still underestimate my work;
- Still chose the most mentally weak players to root for;
- Still don’t feel safe in my own skin;
- Still can’t coordinate colors;
- Still dress like a crazy homeless person;
- Still listen to Etta James out loud on “those days”;
- Still feel safe when I’m in his arms;
- Still am broke;
- Still am glad january is over.

Last week I lost a really good friend. It was a stupid death. He had a giant headache from an insolation and people in the hospital gave him a medicine which he was allergic to. It was very, very sad. He was a couple months younger than me and had a beautiful 2yo daughter. 

RIP, my dear friend

California VI - Point Lobos

I talked about this place so much on other posts...

First of all, I have to say: no pictures in the world will make justice to the beauty of this place. It was probably one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen! It is located in the Highway One, in Monterey County. If you ever decided to travel through this beautiful road, please, don’t miss this State Reserve. And take all the hiking trails. You won’t regret.

Nikon F100
35mm f1.4G
Portra 160 (exp 2014)