Begin again

I haven't posted here since september. Yep. September. The 9/12 month. It's nearly 4 months. Of silence.

To be quite honest, it's not like I missed that much which makes me question the whole point of it.

I love going through your blogs and see your work. It's just I don't feel like posting lately... or producing.

2015 was my Marie Kondo year (have you read her book? It did change your life too?). I applied the KonMari method in all my life, not just my stuff. Does it brings joy or happiness or love? Nope? Then I don't need it. Last year was very complicated professionally speaking. I had to do a lot of things I didn't agree to keep my business alive. I had to shoot in different ways for people I didn't want to. But we got to pay the bills in the end of the day. Makes me question A LOT of things. When I gave up my structured professional life to jump in the art of making photos it sounded so much more romantic. It's not that easy. And it makes you not love that much what you once loved so deeply. I knew that it wouldn't be the same as when I use to do it for fun, I'm not that naive. But, I swear, I didn't know it would be this hard.

So there was a lot of talk to myself. What to do, how to do it and, most importantly, for how long. I don't want to be the girl who spends the rest of her life punching the knife (I don't think there's an equivalent of that expression in english, just realize that. But we say in portuguese "to punch the knife's end", if someone knows a better translation feel free to correct me in the comments, please.).

I hope I can show up a little more in here, but if I do show up, it will be because I want to. Maybe I'll even fall in love with my job again. Who knows. I'm doing my best. But I honestly feel sometimes the things we want the most are not exactly what will make us happy in the end of the day.

Hope I'm wrong. Maybe this is just blablabla because I'm in the astral Hell.

To end this in a happy note, here's a few portraits of mom. I had this roll of Ilford Delta 3200 and wanted to give it a try. We had a good cappuccino on this very nice Patisserie near her house and as I was finishing my roll, later that week, I got this portrait of her in her favorite spot in the city.

* All photos taken with a Nikon F100 w/ Ilford Delta 3200

15 things

Mushrooms in a trail in Point Lobos, CA. One of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen.

There we are. 15 resolutions for 2015.

(Believe me, I could come up with 112, but I though it would be prettier like that, 15 things to do in 15)

1:: Get more exercises;

I thing this is in everybody lists, right? While I was traveling I felt my body complaining all the time. It was a very physical trip. Lots of trails and bike rides. I’m not 20 anymore, but sometimes my body feels like 80. Got to change that. 

2:: Eat healthier;

I eat well, don’t get me wrong. My weakness is chocolate. Always has. 

3:: Travel more;

2014 was a slow year in terms of traveling. It only got good in the end, with California calling. But the rest of the year was really all working. Maybe that something to balance more.

4:: Learn (decent) french;

I’ve had french lessons for 2 years, in 2010 and 2011. I learn to comunicate, and I still understand so much better than I speak. 

5:: Get more organized;

This item is on my list since I remember making lists. But I truly believe 2015 will be the year I’ll be organized. 

6:: Blog more;
I’ll try to be more present here. And to be less critical with my photos. And to feel less guilty when I post something that doesn’t feel like the next best thing.

7:: Photograph more for fun;
2014 I rarely photographed for fun. Work consumed me. This blog was, in a way, a means to that. So I think, technically, 6 and 7 are the same. haha.

8:: Volunteer;
I use to do that a lot through college. And it felt so good. Don’t know why I stop doing. 

9:: Read at least 2 books per month;
I tried to do 1 book a month in 2014 and failed! Haha, even though, I’ll try to do it better. 

10:: Get back on the tennis court and learn to serve;
I love watching tennis, you all know that. I use to play a bit, just for fun, but until this very day I can’t serve, can you believe it? 

11:: Save money;
The thing is: I can’t deal with money. I always spend more than I earn, I make loans, I miss deadlines and I regret nothing. 

12:: Worry a little bit more on what I wear;
I’m not so much of a fashion person. I would leave the house in my pajamas, if it was socially ok. 

13:: Buy less make up (or wear more the ones I already have);
I buy tons of makes, but usually just wear mascara and concealer. 

14:: Watch more movies;
Just because is something I love, it makes me happy and I wanna be a happier person. :)

15:: Last, but not least: STOP PROCRASTINATING.
No explanation needed. 

And you?

And, of course, Happy 2015 for y’all! May this be the best year of our lives so far.