Friday, January 15, 2016

Begin again

I haven't posted here since september. Yep. September. The 9/12 month. It's nearly 4 months. Of silence.

To be quite honest, it's not like I missed that much which makes me question the whole point of it.

I love going through your blogs and see your work. It's just I don't feel like posting lately... or producing.

2015 was my Marie Kondo year (have you read her book? It did change your life too?). I applied the KonMari method in all my life, not just my stuff. Does it brings joy or happiness or love? Nope? Then I don't need it. Last year was very complicated professionally speaking. I had to do a lot of things I didn't agree to keep my business alive. I had to shoot in different ways for people I didn't want to. But we got to pay the bills in the end of the day. Makes me question A LOT of things. When I gave up my structured professional life to jump in the art of making photos it sounded so much more romantic. It's not that easy. And it makes you not love that much what you once loved so deeply. I knew that it wouldn't be the same as when I use to do it for fun, I'm not that naive. But, I swear, I didn't know it would be this hard.

So there was a lot of talk to myself. What to do, how to do it and, most importantly, for how long. I don't want to be the girl who spends the rest of her life punching the knife (I don't think there's an equivalent of that expression in english, just realize that. But we say in portuguese "to punch the knife's end", if someone knows a better translation feel free to correct me in the comments, please.).

I hope I can show up a little more in here, but if I do show up, it will be because I want to. Maybe I'll even fall in love with my job again. Who knows. I'm doing my best. But I honestly feel sometimes the things we want the most are not exactly what will make us happy in the end of the day.

Hope I'm wrong. Maybe this is just blablabla because I'm in the astral Hell.

To end this in a happy note, here's a few portraits of mom. I had this roll of Ilford Delta 3200 and wanted to give it a try. We had a good cappuccino on this very nice Patisserie near her house and as I was finishing my roll, later that week, I got this portrait of her in her favorite spot in the city.

* All photos taken with a Nikon F100 w/ Ilford Delta 3200

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